Hi S.
I thank you for your considerate and erudite message! It comes at a very crucial time for me, as I am tottering on the edge of a knife: with faith on one side and a return to agnosticism on the other.
I was an atheist for most of my adult life, from around 18 to 47, when I had an emotional breakdown followed by a psychotic episode that wound me up in the emergency room for about 24 hours, perhaps more. I have only scattered and very brief memories of that time - but it was a profound experience that assured me that God had picked me up, given me a good shake, and claimed me for His own. Accepting Christ came a bit later, after more emotional turbulence and a profound sense that He had stolen my heart.
Since then, which was 2011, I have been a Christian of some kind. I don't go to church, and I don't have any association with Christians except for a few online friends, B. C. being one of them, J. S. another, and C. S. (though I think C. and I have had a bit of a falling out). I am non-denominational and non-doctrinal. I guess I'm what you'd call a "closet" Christian, in that I don't preach at people, I am the opposite of "evangelical", and I keep my faith close to my chest.
I'm not ashamed of my faith, but I do have major cognitive dissonance to deal with. I pray and pray, sometimes with my face on the floor, clutching my cross, for this conflict to be resolved. I pray for strength and for understanding. I believe (not know) I have become stronger as a person, and I can see that my understanding has improved. I can understand poems more clearly, whereas years ago they would have been opaque to me; I can understand philosophy more, and even get a tiny handle on certain braniacs like Roger Penrose - though I admit his book The Road to Reality became too difficult for me at about page 50 or so!
I had many conversations with C. S. about this concept of a literal hell. He is a Calvinist, and believes with total certainty that there is a literal hell awaiting most human souls; not only that, but that those souls will have a "new body" especially designed to withstand an eternity (in literal time, as we humans experience time, meaning forever and ever) of real fire. This will be a "dark fire", since hell will be pitch black. So, one must try and conceive of being in this place of total darkness, yet burning in real fire, forever and ever. And one must realize that God has foreordained, or predestined, most of humanity to this horrible fate.
If there is anything more absurd than that, I sincerely don't know what it is, but there are literally millions of people who accept this idea of hell, and they not only accept it, they seem to enjoy thinking about it. Many Calvinist and even hard-line Catholic believers claim that one of the "pleasures" of Heaven will be to witness the suffering of souls in hell. I am continually appalled and sickened that human beings can be so callous, so absurdly without compassion or pity, as to hang with such a disgusting and repulsive belief.
People like Charles Spurgeon spoke extensively on the reality of a literal hell. I would offer a quote but I imagine you know of him and his ilk.
I simply cannot reconcile a loving Father of fathers, and the Jesus Christ of the New Testament, with a literal hell. It makes no sense at all.
I can certainly accept some sort of reward or punishment scheme. In fact, I hope there is some kind of justice in some kind of afterlife. The idea that Joseph Mengele lived to old age in Brazil after what he did is appalling to me. It may sound petty, but I don't like the idea that such a barbarian was able to avoid punishment for his unconscionably evil acts. I would not advocate an actual hell, even for such an evil person, but at least some form of justice?
Perhaps his soul was born again as a hen, consigned to life in a battery cage?
Or, more fitting to the horrible things he did, as an animal used for vivisection? That would be an apt punishment for such a wicked man, who was known to cut into human beings without anesthesia, even pregnant women.
But, as it happens, I wouldn't even wish that on him, the bastard, because my sense of compassion would not allow it. I would not advocate torture or agony on any living being, regardless of how evil they are, because to do that I stoop to their level: I become as they are.
This subject will not leave me alone, and I think there is a greater reason behind it than simply one individual with an idée fixe.
I strongly believe that this idea of a literal hell is the most evil concept ever hatched in the human mind, and it's been used as a political tool, a means of leverage and power, mostly by men with a serious need to control and manipulate others, for far too long.
It must be put to rest, and emphatically so, but not only by atheists, but by people of faith, and by followers of Christ.
As Julian of Norwich said, All shall be well, and all manner of thing (sic) shall be well.
I thank you for your considerate and erudite message! It comes at a very crucial time for me, as I am tottering on the edge of a knife: with faith on one side and a return to agnosticism on the other.
I was an atheist for most of my adult life, from around 18 to 47, when I had an emotional breakdown followed by a psychotic episode that wound me up in the emergency room for about 24 hours, perhaps more. I have only scattered and very brief memories of that time - but it was a profound experience that assured me that God had picked me up, given me a good shake, and claimed me for His own. Accepting Christ came a bit later, after more emotional turbulence and a profound sense that He had stolen my heart.
Since then, which was 2011, I have been a Christian of some kind. I don't go to church, and I don't have any association with Christians except for a few online friends, B. C. being one of them, J. S. another, and C. S. (though I think C. and I have had a bit of a falling out). I am non-denominational and non-doctrinal. I guess I'm what you'd call a "closet" Christian, in that I don't preach at people, I am the opposite of "evangelical", and I keep my faith close to my chest.
I'm not ashamed of my faith, but I do have major cognitive dissonance to deal with. I pray and pray, sometimes with my face on the floor, clutching my cross, for this conflict to be resolved. I pray for strength and for understanding. I believe (not know) I have become stronger as a person, and I can see that my understanding has improved. I can understand poems more clearly, whereas years ago they would have been opaque to me; I can understand philosophy more, and even get a tiny handle on certain braniacs like Roger Penrose - though I admit his book The Road to Reality became too difficult for me at about page 50 or so!
I had many conversations with C. S. about this concept of a literal hell. He is a Calvinist, and believes with total certainty that there is a literal hell awaiting most human souls; not only that, but that those souls will have a "new body" especially designed to withstand an eternity (in literal time, as we humans experience time, meaning forever and ever) of real fire. This will be a "dark fire", since hell will be pitch black. So, one must try and conceive of being in this place of total darkness, yet burning in real fire, forever and ever. And one must realize that God has foreordained, or predestined, most of humanity to this horrible fate.
If there is anything more absurd than that, I sincerely don't know what it is, but there are literally millions of people who accept this idea of hell, and they not only accept it, they seem to enjoy thinking about it. Many Calvinist and even hard-line Catholic believers claim that one of the "pleasures" of Heaven will be to witness the suffering of souls in hell. I am continually appalled and sickened that human beings can be so callous, so absurdly without compassion or pity, as to hang with such a disgusting and repulsive belief.
People like Charles Spurgeon spoke extensively on the reality of a literal hell. I would offer a quote but I imagine you know of him and his ilk.
I simply cannot reconcile a loving Father of fathers, and the Jesus Christ of the New Testament, with a literal hell. It makes no sense at all.
I can certainly accept some sort of reward or punishment scheme. In fact, I hope there is some kind of justice in some kind of afterlife. The idea that Joseph Mengele lived to old age in Brazil after what he did is appalling to me. It may sound petty, but I don't like the idea that such a barbarian was able to avoid punishment for his unconscionably evil acts. I would not advocate an actual hell, even for such an evil person, but at least some form of justice?
Perhaps his soul was born again as a hen, consigned to life in a battery cage?
Or, more fitting to the horrible things he did, as an animal used for vivisection? That would be an apt punishment for such a wicked man, who was known to cut into human beings without anesthesia, even pregnant women.
But, as it happens, I wouldn't even wish that on him, the bastard, because my sense of compassion would not allow it. I would not advocate torture or agony on any living being, regardless of how evil they are, because to do that I stoop to their level: I become as they are.
This subject will not leave me alone, and I think there is a greater reason behind it than simply one individual with an idée fixe.
I strongly believe that this idea of a literal hell is the most evil concept ever hatched in the human mind, and it's been used as a political tool, a means of leverage and power, mostly by men with a serious need to control and manipulate others, for far too long.
It must be put to rest, and emphatically so, but not only by atheists, but by people of faith, and by followers of Christ.
As Julian of Norwich said, All shall be well, and all manner of thing (sic) shall be well.
4.2017
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